Woah, Deep

WARNING:  foul mouthed

The Transcript of Obama's acceptance speech

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America, fuck yeah, is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the mother fucking dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the mother fucking power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.

It's the mother fucking answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen; by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the mother fucking very first time in their lives, because them bastards believed that this time must be different; that their voice could be that difference.

It's the mother fucking answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Latino, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled – Americans who sent a message to the mother fucking world that we fucking have never been a collection of Red States and Blue States: we fucking are, and always will be, the mother fucking United States of America.

It's the mother fucking answer that led those who have been told for so long by so many to be cynical, and fearful, and doubtful of what we fucking can achieve to put their hands on the mother fucking arc of history and bend it once more toward the mother fucking hope of a better day.

It's been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we fucking did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, mother fuckin bitch ass change has come to America.

I just received a very gracious call from Senator McCain. He fought long and hard in this campaign, and he's fought even longer and harder for the mother fucking country he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America, fuck yeah, that most of us cannot begin to imagine, and we fucking are better off for the mother fucking service rendered by this brave and selfless leader. I congratulate him and Governor Palin for all them bastards have achieved, and I look forward to working with them to renew this nation's promise in the mother fucking months ahead.

I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned from his heart and spoke for the mother fucking men and women he grew up with on the mother fucking streets of Scranton and rode with on that train home to Delaware, the mother fucking Vice President-elect of the mother fucking United States, Joe Biden.

I would not be standing here tonight without the mother fucking unyielding support of my best friend for the mother fucking last sixteen years, the mother fucking rock of our family and the mother fucking love of my life, our nation's next First Lady, Michelle Obama. Sasha and Malia, I love you cunts both so much, and you cunts have earned the mother fucking new puppy that's coming with us to the mother fucking White House. And while she's no longer with us, I know my grandmother is watching, along with the mother fucking family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight, and know that my debt to them is beyond measure.

To my campaign manager David Plouffe, my chief strategist David Axelrod, and the mother fucking best campaign team ever assembled in the mother fucking history of politics –you cunts made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what you've sacrificed to get it done.

But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to – it belongs to you.

I was never the mother fucking likeliest candidate for this office.  We fucking didn't start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the mother fucking halls of Washington – it began in the mother fucking backyards of Des Moines and the mother fucking living rooms of Concord and the mother fucking front porches of Charleston.

It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings them bastards had to give five dollars and ten dollars and twenty dollars to this cause. It grew strength from the mother fucking young people who rejected the mother fucking myth of their generation's apathy; who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep; from the mother fucking not-so-young people who braved the mother fucking bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on the mother fucking doors of perfect strangers; from the mother fucking millions of Americans who volunteered, and organized, and proved that more than two centuries later, a government of the mother fucking people, by the mother fucking people and for the mother fucking people has not perished from this Earth. This is your victory.

I know you cunts didn't do this just to win an election and I know you cunts didn't do it for me.  You cunts did it because you cunts understand the mother fucking enormity of the mother fucking task that lies ahead. For even as we fucking celebrate tonight, we fucking know the mother fucking challenges that tomorrow will bring are the mother fucking greatest of our lifetime – two wars, a planet in peril, the mother fucking worst financial crisis in a century. Even as we fucking stand here tonight, we fucking know there are brave Americans waking up in the mother fucking deserts of Iraq and the mother fucking mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us. There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after their children fall asleep and wonder how they'll make the mother fucking mortgage, or pay their doctor's bills, or save enough for college. There is new energy to harness and new jobs to be created; new schools to build and threats to meet and alliances to repair.

The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep.  We fucking may not get there in one year or even one term, but America, fuck yeah, – I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we fucking will get there. I promise you cunts –we fucking as a people will get there.

There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won't agree with every decision or policy I make as President, and we fucking know that government can't solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you cunts about the mother fucking challenges we fucking face. I will listen to you, especially when we fucking disagree. And above all, I will ask you cunts join in the mother fucking work of remaking this nation the mother fucking only way it's been done in America, fuck yeah, for two-hundred and twenty-one years – block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.

What began twenty-one months ago in the mother fucking depths of winter must not end on this autumn night. This victory alone is not the mother fucking mother fuckin bitch ass change we fucking seek – it is only the mother fucking chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen ifwe fucking go back to the mother fucking way things were. It cannot happen without you.

So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism; of service and responsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves, but each other. Let us remember that if this financial crisis taught us anything, it's that we fucking cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers – in this country, we fucking rise or fall as one nation; as one people.

Let us resist the mother fucking temptation to fall back on the mother fucking same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let us remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the mother fucking banner of the mother fucking Republican Party to the mother fucking White House – a party founded on the mother fucking values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity. Those are values we fucking all share, and while the mother fucking Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we fucking do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the mother fucking divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, "We are not enemies, but friends…though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection." And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn – I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your President too.

And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces to those who are huddled around radios in the mother fucking forgotten corners of our world – our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand. To those who would tear this world down –we fucking will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security –we fucking support you. And to all those who have wondered if America's beacon still burns as bright – tonight we fucking proved once more that the mother fucking true strength of our nation comes not from our the mother fucking might of our arms or the mother fucking scale of our wealth, but from the mother fucking enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity, and unyielding hope.

For that is the mother fucking true genius of America, fuck yeah, – that America, fuck yeah, can change. Our union can be perfected. And what we fucking have already achieved gives us hope for what we fucking can and must achieve tomorrow.

This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that's on my mind tonight is about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She's a lot like the mother fucking millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing – Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the mother fucking road or planes in the mother fucking sky; when someone like her couldn't vote for two reasons – because she was a woman and because of the mother fucking color of her skin.

And tonight, I think about all that she's seen throughout her century in America, fuck yeah, – the mother fucking heartache and the mother fucking hope; the mother fucking struggle and the mother fucking progress; the mother fucking times we fucking were told that we fucking can't, and the mother fucking people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we fucking can.

At a time when women's voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the mother fucking ballot. Yes we fucking can.

When there was despair in the mother fucking dust bowl and depression across the mother fucking land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs and a new sense of common purpose. Yes we fucking can.

When the mother fucking bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the mother fucking world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we fucking can.

She was there for the mother fucking buses in Montgomery, the mother fucking hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that "We Shall Overcome." Yes we fucking can.

A man touched down on the mother fucking moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination. And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the mother fucking best of times and the mother fucking darkest of hours, she knows how America, fuck yeah, can change. Yes we fucking can.

America, we fucking have come so far.  We fucking have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves – if our children should live to see the mother fucking next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what mother fuckin bitch ass change will them bastards see? What progress will we fucking have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time – to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the mother fucking cause of peace; to reclaim the mother fucking American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth – that out of many, we fucking are one; that while we fucking breathe, we fucking hope, and where we fucking are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we fucking can't, we fucking will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the mother fucking spirit of a people:

Yes we fucking Can. Thank you, God bless you, and may God Bless the mother fucking United States of America.

Very rarely does one culture simply overthrow another.  Traditional history – and by that I mean old and outdated – often assumes that the Empires and imperial nations quashed underfoot any semblance of native heritage, culture, religion and history.  This is only partly true, and only true if you look at some evidence and not others. 

The actual story is often far more complicated, which means that people often choose to ignore it.  It’s always so much simpler to assume that something big overcame something small so that the bad guy can be pointed out and we can all feel sorry for the oppressed.  This is insufficient.  My problem is that this view of history underestimates the power of the ‘smaller’ culture.  In assuming that one bigger culture overthrows another, the emotional response is that the bigger culture is the bad guy, but it also assumes that the smaller culture showed its latent inferiority by allowing itself to be consumed.  Not only is this an imperio-centric point of view to have (it is hardly going to be the opinion of any conquered nation), it also shows an ignorance of how societies adapt, or more accurately acculturation occurs and denies that humans can learn from each other.

A new discipline known as Historical Archaeology has shed a huge amount on our understanding of ‘oppressed’ or conquered cultures.  So far, the opinion among scholars is that, far from being destroyed, these cultures have not only survived but even contributed to the conquerors’ own culture. 

In many ways this is what people such as the native Americans have been saying for years.  There was an exchange of ideas over the period of settlement and conquest.  Looking at the smaller objects on Spanish, English and other European settlements one can see the change.  Fashions change, diets change and otherwise mundane objects like bowls and kitchen utensils bear the hallmarks of Indian craftsmanship.  In a subtle but my no means unimportant way the native Americans continued to create things in their own styles and traditions, even to the point where they affected the European styles.

Perhaps even more incredibly is the huge amount of heritage that the African slaves brought over with them.  Previously, the lack of strong archaeological evidence led historians to assume that the trauma of being captured and transported across the Atlantic had created collective cultural amnesia among the slaves.  It was also assumed (somewhat dismissively) that the African tribes and cultures did not have strong and clear enough traditions in the first place, so a lack of them in America was no surprise.  Of course this was an incorrect assumption.  There is a huge amount of evidence that the slaves’ food, their dwellings and the things they created were continuations of traditions that had started back in Africa. 

The most famous example of this acculturation is the music that emerged from the slave states.  At it’s most basic understanding it was a combination of the rhythmic tribal music from Africa combined with the stringed melodies and European hymns.  The resulting ‘negro-spiritual’ was the seed that started practically all pop music of the 20^th century.

The Roman Army, the most visually potent and widespread of all the Roman institutions are also a testament to the power of acculturation.  It was believed by many Romans that the cause of the success of the Roman Army was a reward from the gods for their reverence, piety and dedication to worship.  Although this image goes against the idea of a hard living campaigning army, the archaeological evidence supports this.  Everywhere the army went are shrines, temples and other devotional objects to their gods.  What is significant is that they are not always to the Roman gods.  In a perfect example of acculturation at work, Roman soldiers would worship whatever the local gods happened to be in the area.  There is evidence for this all over the frontier land of the Roman Army, even as far north as Hadrian’s Wall where Roman shrines and graves have been marked with the names of the local gods.  This was not a case of merely adding more gods to the already swelling roster of Roman gods on offer however.  The soldiers equated many gods with their own, realizing that many were merely local names for at least the same conceptual god.  And different areas had different emphases.  An island culture for example would worship Neptune more than a landlocked village etc.  The Roman soldiers would follow suit.

This is why Christmas is very often misunderstood in its historical context.  It is quite common to hear people say Christmas is a “hi-jacking” of a pagan festival by Christians – that Christians have no right to claim it as their own and that Christmas has nothing whatever to do with the birth of Christ.  This is an oversimplification and highly misleading.

Christianity did not “hi-jack” a pagan festival.  Christianity itself adapted to the needs of the locality.  When Christianity began its spread across northern Europe it was common among those people to celebrate the winter solstice.  Not wanting to alienate the locals, it was natural that rather than ignore the celebration, it should concelebrate it but attach its own reason (Christ’s birth).  Eventually the ‘theology’ behind this pagan winter festival was superseded by Christianity as paganism dwindled.  The reason for Christianity’s triumph and the disappearance of paganism (I apologise for the generic term) is the subject of an entirely different debate, but acculturation is still evident.  All the things that make it look as if Christianity took over are all the hallmarks of paganism surviving.  The tree, the holly, the wine.  The singing, the dancing, the holidays from work and the family coming together.  Although these are things that Christians promote, Christmas would not have been an important date in the Church’s year had it not been for already existing festivals.  After all, Christ’s birth is not the most important thing.  Among the events and theology found in the New Testament, Christ’s birth is not highly significant, and it was not celebrated by early Christians.

One of the explanations for the date that Christmas falls on is that it is exactly nine months after the Annunciation on the 25^th March (the date that Christians celebrate the arrival of Angel Gabriel and the beginning of Mary’s pregnancy).  This date is also the date of the spring solstice, a period of banqueting and preparation for summer.  Easter is never too far away from this date either.

There is more evidence, too numerous to mention here of just how strong the pre-Christian traditions have survived and found their way back into the tradition of Christmas.

The reason we celebrate Christmas like we do at all is a triumph of paganism, not Christianity.

And it still happens now:  St Nicholas transforming into Santa, from being dressed as a bishop in green and yellow into Coca-Cola’s red white and black.  We used to eat goose and duck but now it’s turkey.  For those who celebrate Christianity in the southern hemisphere it’d be a different story altogether.  Christmas for them falls smack bang in the middle of summer.  Would they adapt the festival for their own climate, or would it “hi-jack” their summer holidays?

Unfortunately, the process of un-Christianizing Christmas would mean a reversion to modern paganism – that is the worship of the material, money, consumerism and profits on the high street.  If anything, Christianity is what is keeping the things we like about Christmas (the winter wonderland idyll) going.  We shouldn’t want to throw out the baby with the bath water in an attempt to be secular, only to be left with a vacuous, money driven cash cow.

Bear with me here, I am not entirely sure of the structure that the following will have.  The subject is on my mind cos I saw a poster advertising the charity "End Violence Against Women".  This charity uses the UN definition of violence against women, which is "Violence that is directed at a woman because she is a woman or that affects women disproportionately".

Personally I like the idea of upholding traditional chivalric attitudes - holding doors open, responding to a female scream and when the situation allows, taking responsibility of physical labour from a female (only with consent of course).  I am aware of the ironies that these values have in this post-modern, (post) feminist age, but this is a personal preference, not something I believe everyone everywhere should follow.

I am not particularly in favour of any violence aimed at anybody and I know that violence happens everywhere, all the time.  But why is this a gender issue?  Why not just "End Violence"?  My immediate response to this is that (a) this is an unrealistic goal (b) it is too unspecific to tackle with any success and (c) violence against women is worse/more desperate than violence towards the alternative i.e. men.  Is this true? 

(a) and (b) are clearly true, but what of (c)?  As is clear from my personal preference, I would believe that violence towards women is worse than violence towards men.  This opinion is shared by many societies and is expressed in their treatment of women, for example, excluding them from military service, excluding them from the most dangerous jobs and treating them in times of crisis and danger equal to children summed up in the phrase "women and children first". 
In religion and art women are often seen to be the 'superior' gender.  In popular culture, there are countless films where a male (often the greater asset i.e. a spy or king) will risk death in order to save the woman - so much so in fact that to ignore this duty the male would lose support from both the male and female audience members.  And even today, when females are among the male soldiers in our western armies, the image of a female bearing arms is associated with a decadent and desperate society:  a picture of a male soldier in traditional dress wielding a rifle is far less evocative than a female in the same situation.

But isn't that just my personal opinion?  To be a soldier in the British Army is no longer a question of gender - one must prove their competance in training and on the field - the contents of the uniform no longer matters.

If a wild animal was attacking a village and several of its members were getting killed or injured, it'd be a crazy person who would set up a  lobby that said "Stop Wild Animals Attacking Women!"  The people of the village would think that person is crazy.  But to reply to this (rather shoddy) analogy and say "but it is men who are committing the violence against women" is again missing the point .  It doesn't matter who is doing that attacking, the charity is there to support those being hurt by it; and two, there is the assumption that the violence conducted by men is inexplicable.  Men don't attack women because they're women - if that were true there'd be a lot more instances of that kind of violence - and men would stop hurting each other (which actually the vast majority of violent acts consist of).  Women might need more protection than men (maybe), but to say it is simply a case of men acting violently towards women is a superficial assumption.

My point is (I'll try to get back there) is that the charity should not be calling for and end to violence against women, but an end to 'gender specific' violence.  Because if we're going to be totally honest here, males also undergo violence as a result of their gender.  In fact, males recieve a lot more violence because of their gender than women do.

The kind of violence that we associate with being against women is rape and domestic violence, conducted of course by men.  But do men have acts of violence against them because of their gender (much of it self-inflicted)?  Of course, lets look at some facts.

- The British Army will only accept males into infantry positions.  The same applies to the Royal Marines and Submariners.  Women are capable of keeping up with men in training, so why this discrepancy?  Are men more disposable? (Conversely, women are able to join 'frontline' air force units, where the risk of death or injury is significantly lower).
- 94% of all prisoners in Britain are male.  The fact that men commit more crime does not allow for this discrepency.  If the number of female inmates began to take a sharp rise, there would be investigations into what was provoking this.  The fact that men commit crime is taken for granted without looking into the the reason men, more than women are driven to such measures.
- The suicide rate among men is much greater than that of women at all ages.  Why are men driven to commit suicide?  Does this not count as violence against men?
Isn't this violence that affects men disproportionately?

There is also the issue that men are much more likely to die or get injured at work than women.  This is because men make up the vast majority of numbers of those doing the most dangerous jobs such as working on a building site, electrician, policeman, waste disposal, factories etc.  Is this not classed as violence against men?  Why not?

I am all for gender equality, of course.  But equality is the point here.  Women do not suffer more than men overall, and to dwell on the weight of 'pain' on either side of the gender fence is not helpful.  Of course violence against women should stop, but so should violence against men.  It is not a gender issue, it is a human issue.

Hi, we’re totally relaxed in our office.  There’s nothing smug or awkward about this photo shoot.  That guy in the middle wearing a pink shirt doesn’t even have a tie on.  These guys must be from the north east – it’s impossible to run a company from the north east without having an image of the Angel of the North somewhere nearby.

We’re not a big scary company – in fact we’re so small and intimate the only place big enough for us all to stand is this non-descript stairwell.  Look, we’re all smiling.  We’re happy that you’re happy.

No, this is not a Depeche Mode album cover.  In fact, there’s nothing whatever to do with electronic music in our company.  We deal in financial PR.  You can tell we do this because we are stood at odd angles to each other, we’re not smiling and we are all wearing very bland suits, but not uniforms.  I don’t remember who our photographer was, but the man was clearly a genius.


The reason our company is successful is because it is run by interesting people such as ourselves.  The man on the left is interesting because he’s thoughtfully holding his chin.  The man in the centre is interesting because he’s looking quite down to earth.  The man on the right is interesting because he is looking at the camera like Boris Karloff and is insistent about profits.  And in the background, there is a very interesting plant.

Some people think that those in upper management aren’t like normal people.  Not always true!  The man on the left has bought a suit that’s too big for him – clearly HE doesn’t have a tailor.  The man at the front, staring hard into the camera is clearly the CEO and he will improve your business.  By exposing his groin like this he shows his prowess – this man equals large profits.

These are the heroes of our age.  Striding purposefully towards a brighter tomorrow, these are the men who will give your children happiness.  But please, don’t think that this was an arranged photo op.  Every morning these men take a breather from the office and take a turn around the park to discuss deep and important issues regarding money.  This is where the decisions are made.  We decided to publish this photograph for the public as a small child had just fallen off his bike and we managed to capture them all laughing.

Hmmm.

Whilst having a pointless drunken argument with friends about Gary Glitter recently, it became very obvious how afraid people are of listeners assuming the worst when words are said in defence of a particular person or idea.  Let me explain.  The point that this person was making was that there has been a disproportionate amount of media coverage given to Gary Glitter's sexual perversions over in the Far East because he is still considered a celebrity by the British tabloid media.  He explained that there were in fact many men from western countries who travel to the far east in order to satisfy whatever illegal activity (paedophilia) it is they want to commit.
A fairly simple point you may say.  Even while drunk it couldn't have taken him too long to get the message across.  However, much of his speaking time allowance (not much in this kind of situation) was taken up with him repeatedly asserting that he wasn't a paedophile and that such acts are disgusting and horrific.  It made me laugh that he had to qualify his argument in this way, while drinking with friends - we had of course never expected him to be a paedophile and the fact that he had to state as such made it seem absurd.
So it is with the subject of this blog entry.  I would much rather have just launched into a discussion (well monologue) about democracy, oppression and data protection, but instead find that I have to clearly state and justify my position in case I end up offending the sensitive and riling the bone-headed.  I am not racist.  There we go, thank you.

Now, if I may proceed.  Much as I dislike the BNP (there I go again) I can't help the feeling of slight disgust bordering on anger at the release, propogation and abuse of information relating to members of the British National Party.  Let's not forget that we live in a democracy where some things should be treated as sacred.  One of these is the secret ballot.  Don't tell me they weren't voting because it amounts to the same thing.  Another one is the right to free expression without fear of intimidation or violence.  This may seem contradictory to the more foolish, but the krux here is choice.  In this day and age, releasing (accidently or otherwise) information regarding people who hold views deemed 'wrong' and unpopular (though as it turns out not as unpopular as you thought) is a contravention of these rights and those responsible should be dealt with in whatever way the law decides.

Do I have to remind you again that I am no racist?

Browsing the websites, it is disturbing the gleeful way so called liberals are relishing the release of this information, in the hope that it may affect some sort of popular response, in the same way that Paediatricians' clinics might have been attacked by thickos half a dozen years ago.  Or Jewish property was attacked 80 years ago.
OK, sorry, I slipped in a reference to the Holocaust as these subjects inevitably will do.  But Kristalnacht was not all committed by the SA - it was nationwide and seemingly 'popular'.  The Jews were an oppressed minority back then too.

The more I write about this the angrier I've become actually.  Can the so-called 'enlightened' amongst you who so hate and vilify the BNP calm the f*** down?  So you hate the BNP.  So do I.  Preach then you fuckers.  Change the way people think.  It's so easy to accuse others of being intolerant when you've got the majority backing.  If you find it funny that people's civil liberties can be discarded so playfully then you're an idiot.  Just because they don't think like you do.  Besides, do you honeslty believe the everyone in the BNP are racists?  Does that mean that everyone in the Labour Party are Communists?  You may want to look at the statistics, but the majority of BNP members are a lot older than you are and were brought up a lot differently.  Bear that in mind the next time you are spouting your 'tolerant' bullshit.  They're not like you.  They probably believe in God.  They listen to obscure Jazz.  They support non-Premiership teams.  Eventually they'll die out.

I am no racist.

Just because they hold hold views that are profoundly different from your own doesn't give you a license to piss about with their liberties.  It wouldn't be funny if it was the release of thousands of people's names who had attended Mosque would it?  Or a demonstration?  No.

I remember at school we were visited by a lobby group called 'Smash the Nazis'.  No joking.  Not a shred of irony in the name.  Yes, let's smash them up, smash them cos we're in a democracy you c*nts and you don't belong.

Lot's of things are bothering me and amusing me at the moment.  To such an extent in fact that I can't be bothered to write anything about it.  I'll tell you what, I'll post some things that are more worth your while to read and so that you will know, had I been a good writer, this is the kind of stuff I'd churn out day in day out.  The unfortunate thing is, not only am I not as good a writer as all these other bods, I am also afflicted by that most cruel of humankind's afflictions - laziness.

Bollocks, have a look at these, if you've read this far you don't have anything else to do.

http://www.climate-resistance.org/2008/11/painting-pictures-of-poverty.html
A criticism of Oxfam (gasp) and its apprach to solving problems.  Like painting.

www.pal-v.com
This is the place I'd like to work.  It's shit like this that makes me look forward to growing old.

Also found this while pointlessly clicking on words:

"Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, "Governmentium" (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called "morons", which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called "peons". Since "Governmentium" has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every action with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of "Governmentium" can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from four days to four years to complete. "Governmentium" has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, "Governmentium's" mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming "isodopes". This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that "Governmentium" is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, "Governmentium" becomes "Administratium", an element that radiates just as much energy as "Governmentium" since it has half as many "peons" but twice as many "morons".

While I'm here, might as well say something about the death of Michael Crichton.  Never read any of his books, but I liked his style.  Good speaker, and also somebody quite sensible.  He will be missed (except by climate scientists).

Obaminators are beginning to annoy me.

I am glad Obama was voted into the Whitehouse.  I hope that a change in style will have a positive effect on the soft power that the USA wields.  I agree that the ideals that the US represent are a good thing and that they should be promoted in a positive way.  I think the US is ready for a bit of change, and I'd like to see great things come from a country whose achievements have lately been overshadowed by it's errors.  Obama I believe is the man to do this, and I believe that enough people in positions of power think this too.

It's got nothing to do with the fact that he's black.  I couldn't give a shit whether he's black or not and whenever I hear people mention it as a serious 'implication' it annoys me as there is implied racism (or racialism) in whatever it is they are saying.

I saw a video-poll on the internet today - interviews with people about Obama.

"I think he'd be good for the image of America because he's black..."  Great, so even though he was voted in by 53%, what you actually care about is the fact that his skin colour represents less than 20% of the country.

"He'll do great things for black people."  Of course he will - and all white presidents help white people - ask any white voter and he'll back that up.  What depressing about this is, the naivety of expecting someone who LOOKS like you to behave like you.  White people in America have known that for a long time.  It looks like black people are gonna have to prepare for the inevitable betrayal  of 'one of their own'.

But what betrayal?  Is there a suggestion here that black people need help?  One of the most accidently racist things that can be said is to suggest that 'black people' have a single agenda, or shared opinion on a subject.
Upon hearing a news report on the radio, who out of you would turn to your black friend and say "So what do black people think about this subject?", or "What do black people think about abortion/welfare/Iraq?"  You'd quite rightly get a slap across the face for reverting to a "them" mentality.

Yet that is what is happening.  People voted for/support Obama because he's black. 

But I'm being unfair - it's not that he's black Dominic, it's what his blackness represents.

So what does his blackness represent?  Please don't say the repressed underclasses - that's racist.  Please don't say minorities - that's anti-democratic, and there's plenty about him that makes him part of the majority.  Please don't say change - that's meaningless.

Progress?  Are you saying white people don't advocate progress?

Then stop going on about his skin colour.

As I've said to others, the great thing about Obama being elected is not that he's black... but that he happens to be black.  What he actually represents is not the underclass, the oppressed or 'change' but sound policies and excellent marketing.

And I'm not being naive in believing that race wasn't an issue for many, if not most of those who voted for him - I know that it was, and I have a word for it.  Idiotic.

Voting in a black man is not an achievement in itself.  It should not be a goal to get a black man into the Whitehouse, but a man who is fair, honest, and a capableleader.  The openmindedness of a nation to vote in a black man is the real achievement.

by the way, an Obaminator is an Obama supporter.  My word.

Did you know that in the Middle Ages it was believed that shorter hair was seen as a sign of spiritualism (and was neatly at odds with the longer-haired barbarians).  For this reason, monks would shave the top of their heads, and it was common to have your head fully shaved.  This lead to the belief that one could avoid hell by getting your hair cut short or “having a close shave”.

In the olden days, sailors used to believe that hell was at the bottom of the sea.  If they were ever flung over board, sailors wore heavy cotton trousers that would get very heavy and make it difficult to swim.  For this reason the trousers they wore were made very wide at the bottom so they could be easily kicked off.  The bottom of the trousers, like flairs, looked like bells found in a church tower.  If the sailor was rescued, the trousers would then sink to the bottom, becoming “hell’s bells.”

In Roman Britain, less than 10 percent of the native population could speak English.  This caused problems for undertakers who had to announce various deaths, which was quite frequent in those days.  Because nobody would be able to read the name of a deceased person, a cast was made of their face using early cement which was then put on display in the town centre or ‘forum’.  The fact that that person had died (or certainly would have after the procedure) was said to have been “set in stone” a phrase which has come to mean that something is known with some certainty.

The Three Wise men characters well known from the story of the nativity do not in fact appear anywhere in the Bible.  These characters were later additions to the tradition of the Christ’s birth after the Catholic Church split in the Medieval times into East and West.  The western church was seen as more prestigious as its centre was still at Rome.  The Eastern church, based in Istanbul created the story of Three Kings from the East or Wise Men to give credibility to the assertion that the eastern church was the one true church and to rival the western church’s fame and power.

When people say “It’s all Greek to me” they mean that something is incomprehensible or meaningless.  Interestingly, this phrase actually has historical roots.  After the collapse of the Greek culture in the Dark Ages, people stopped speaking ancient Greek and either went back to their native languages or started to speak more universal languages like Latin or English.  The problem was that the native languages hadn’t been spoken by anyone for several hundred years, so for 3 centuries before the beginning of the Renaissance, people living in Greece spoke what they liked, everybody using their own sounds and symbols.  The Greek language became synonymous with gobbledegook and nonsensical beliefs.

In 1367, the Pope of the Roman Catholic Church declared war on Portugal.  He had been visiting the royal family there when one of the children the Queen was carrying knocked the Mitre from off his head.  The Queen wanted to apologize, but being a woman she was forbidden to speak to the pontiff.  Having been humiliated by a child, then not given an apology, the Pope ordered the invasion of Portugal “at the drop of a hat”.

Horatio Lord Nelson – hero of the British Empire famously only had one eye.  In those days a common replacement for the eye (glass then was too heavy) was to use wood.  However, wood would often splinter and it was difficult to keep it moist.  Lord Nelson decided that he would use a carved apple from Kent instead of wood as it stayed moist and he could shape it himself with only one hand.  He loved this innovation so much, he said it was his favourite item while at see, calling it “the apple of his eye”.

While Edward Longshanks of England was king, there were only two people who’s opinion mattered; Edward I himself and the Archbishop of Canterbury.  Such was the rule that in court, in the market place and in Parliament, if anyone wanted their opinion to be heard they had to pay a tax.  This tax usually amounted to just 1 penny and it therefore became a common turn of phrase to say “a penny for your thoughts” when you wanted an opinion.  In London, the people collecting the money for the King and Church became well-known characters.  In order to aggrandise themselves, they’d would exchange their pennies for buttons and sow them onto their clothes, starting the tradition of the Pearly Kings.

The East End of London is known for its crafty characters and winding backstreets.  Even in the olden days, the areas from Aldgate to Mile End was a maze of narrow lanes, cobbled roads, looming houses and badly lit alleys.  In order for the habitants to be able to share this space with the horses and carts that went in and out of the city daily, they’d have to squeeze themselves up against the walls to stop themselves being run over.  The combination of this way of walking, and that fact that many an injury was incurred as a result meant that people in the area became famous for looking odd, walking strangely and being “cock-kneed”, which is where the word “cockney” comes from when referring to someone from the East End of London.

In Shakespeare’s time, when a man was said to have been a bad husband whose wife had been cheating on him with another man, he was said to have been ‘horned’.  In many parts of the country they still had the tradition that when a man had an adulterous wife he would wear a cow’s horn on his head, and should he find his wife in the act of adultery he could kill her with the weapon on his head.  The wife, being discovered, could either choose to go back with her husband (who would no doubt give her a rough time for her unfaithfulness), face death or choose to run off with her new lover carrying social stigma if she did.  This desperate situation lead people to coin the phrase “on the horns of a dilemma” when faced with a difficult choice.