Hi, we’re totally relaxed in our office. There’s nothing smug or awkward about this photo shoot. That guy in the middle wearing a pink shirt doesn’t even have a tie on. These guys must be from the north east – it’s impossible to run a company from the north east without having an image of the Angel of the North somewhere nearby.
We’re not a big scary company – in fact we’re so small and intimate the only place big enough for us all to stand is this non-descript stairwell. Look, we’re all smiling. We’re happy that you’re happy.
No, this is not a Depeche Mode album cover. In fact, there’s nothing whatever to do with electronic music in our company. We deal in financial PR. You can tell we do this because we are stood at odd angles to each other, we’re not smiling and we are all wearing very bland suits, but not uniforms. I don’t remember who our photographer was, but the man was clearly a genius.
The reason our company is successful is because it is run by interesting people such as ourselves. The man on the left is interesting because he’s thoughtfully holding his chin. The man in the centre is interesting because he’s looking quite down to earth. The man on the right is interesting because he is looking at the camera like Boris Karloff and is insistent about profits. And in the background, there is a very interesting plant.
Some people think that those in upper management aren’t like normal people. Not always true! The man on the left has bought a suit that’s too big for him – clearly HE doesn’t have a tailor. The man at the front, staring hard into the camera is clearly the CEO and he will improve your business. By exposing his groin like this he shows his prowess – this man equals large profits.
These are the heroes of our age. Striding purposefully towards a brighter tomorrow, these are the men who will give your children happiness. But please, don’t think that this was an arranged photo op. Every morning these men take a breather from the office and take a turn around the park to discuss deep and important issues regarding money. This is where the decisions are made. We decided to publish this photograph for the public as a small child had just fallen off his bike and we managed to capture them all laughing.
