Horoscope 6 March – Next Time I Feel Like it

 

hippe Your Horoscopes this month have been brought to you from world famous clairvoyant Aaron Broflowski.  Aaron gained notoriety in 70s San Francisco for his advocacy of psychedelic music as a medium for “understanding unity”.  He now lives above a cigar shop overlooking San Francisco Marina and makes most of his money selling tie-dye fabrics.

 

Libra

You know, scales have a lot more meaning than you think, man.  All I gotta say to you is, like, keep shit balanced, you know.  Don’t get mad about shit dude.  Keep that shit on a level, y’know?

 

Aries

Oh man.  Your chart is so complex.  I guess that reflects your complex personality.  Ok, ok, we’ve got Mars coming in on the side, while Jupiter and Orion’s belt is keeping your shit steady.  Just beware that, you know, something might happen that’s like, totally out the blue or something.

 

Cancer

Shit’s so fucked up nowadays man.  I remember the 60s, everybody was just so cool y’know?  There was this one time, after about three days on acid, we got pulled by five-O.  Man, they were cool with it though.  Shit has changed man.  People should remember.

 

Sagittarius

Remember The Eagles?  Well fuck them, man.  Don’t be anything like The goddam Eagles.  Sorry for cursing.

 

Virgo

Look around you, what do you see.  Exactly dude.  Exactly.  Think about it for just one second.  Is it a coincidence that you’re not where you wanna be?  You’re doing what you want right?  Shit don’t fly under the government’s evil eye, man.  Listen to some Grateful Dead.  On Acid.  Then buy some of my tie-dye shit.

 

Taurus

Nobody’s trying to fuck up your shit man.  That’s called paranoia.  Don’t worry, there’s ways of combating that vibe.  You’re English right?  You ever heard of Stonehenge?  Man, that shit is fucked up.  Go there right now, this afternoon.  It will totally clear your head.

 

Gemini

I never bought in to that whole ‘office’ vibe you know?  I can appreciate that the people I am talking to are part of the ‘machine’ sitting in your building blocks looking at your word processors, man.  Don’t process your thoughts though dude.  Your thoughts are like a web that connect with other people.  Grow your hair.

 

Scorpio

I remember this one time, where Quicksilver Messenger Service were having a jamming session in my parent’s kitchen.  If you don’t know who they are then fuck you, man.  Sorry.  But they were part of a movement back in the 60s.  Gary Duncan said to me “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  I never forgot that.  Artists like him make sure we humans aren’t all dead.

 

Capricorn

Oh yeah, your chart.  OK, the thing is, your chart looks kinda cluttered at the moment.  There’s circles n shit all over the place, and there’s some shit I ain’t never even seen before, man.  Don’t let that worry you though dude.  When I go out of focus, the chart kinda looks like a steel drum.  That’s gotta be meaningful, right?

 

Pisces

Think outside the box, man.  In ’72 or ’77.  Maybe ’68, I joined the Black Panthers.  My brothers respected me for my work, man.  I did everything I could to get marijuana legalised.  Try doing something like that.

 

Aquarius

Visit San Francisco, man.  I don’t wanna go on about it, but this place makes London look like, the… fucking Moon, man.  All the great things in this world came from San Francisco.  

 

Leo

People think that Lion’s are fierce creatures.  But really they are just brave.  Be brave, man.  Roar.  ‘Cos in this world of money and surplus goods, you have to be brave to say “No, I’m going to drop out and listen to some Electric Prunes.”  Peace.

Thanks Aaron! 
Who would you like to see guest our horoscope section next month?
- A Reagan Era Patriot
- An French Philosopher
- A Russian Oligarch


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