Woah, Deep

I always thought we were kinda lucky in this country in that we didn't hate our police force.  Sure, the underclasses and criminal element have no love lost with the police, but for regular law abiders and the middle classes, the police are generally seen as A Good Thing.

This is in comparison to a country like France who do have an effective police force, but one that is largely despised and derided.  Students don't like them, professionals don't like them and the majority of the working class don't like them.  The phrase "Baise la Police" shows a fairly common sentiment in this country and popular films such as Taxi and the excellent La Haine portray the police as either bumbling idiots or lackeys of an oppressive government.

The problem with such an ingrained negative attitude towards the police force, as has been described by French people I know, is that because everyone regards the police as a bunch of bullies and idiots, it means that only bullies and idiots end up being recruited.  In France, to even think about joining the police force someone has to have been a massive prick in school, gets off on power over others and has a desire to hang around with boneheaded wankers.  So the cycle continues.

And even if there is a recruit who doesn't fall into this stereotype, years of ridicule and hatred will surely turn him into the person he wanted to avoid becoming - a tyrant with a baton.

It is my sincere hope that this doesn't happen in this country, yet I feel that with recent events, it is going this way.  The protests, not just of the last month but throughout the labour years (and beyond) have given the populace a rather sinister feeling towards the police, a sort of "OK, now we know whose side you're on".  When once we looked to the police to protect our rights and freedoms, we are beginning to look at them as a barrier or obstacle in out struggle for democracy.

For me, the biggest offenders are not the riot police however.  I have a feeling that some of you may agree - the worst kind of police are the dreaded small town police.  Police in places like Wisbech, Berwick upon Tweed, Scarborough et al.  The kind that prowl the streets in the cars doing fuck all for anybody, pointing cameras and speedometers out the windows and generally being a public nuisance.  I'm sure everyone who lives in a small town has an annoying story about how someone they know got pulled over for nothing, or someone's been brought in for questioning simply because they argued with them.
I blame this on the same thing that I blame for the abuses at Abu Ghraib - boredom.  I wonder if police are trained in how to deal with boredom (that is without giving a warning to a man sitting in a van, with the engine running who is not wearing a seatbelt).

I think they're also encouraged by the actions of local councils who also display characteristics of megalomania, groupthink, sheer stupidity and a complete ignorance of the mandates with which they first came into existence.

For your entertainment, a clip from La Haine - the scene is the next day following a suburban riot where police were injured and property was burnt and damaged.  Listen to the words.

In these times of uncertainty and worry, who better to guide us in the ways of profiting from a financial meltdown then someone who has done it themselves?  Meet Mikhail Prokmovich, a Russian billionaire who made his personal fortune (worth over $8 Billion in 2008 according to Forbes) through a combination of savvy business acumen, opportunism and “fear-mongering” (quote from his auto-biography).  Before becoming a board director to various natural resource companies following the collapse of the Soviet Union, Prokmovich had been an active member of the ruling party and is rumoured to have been in the Spetsnaz.  He does not deny this rumour only remarking “it is often an advantage to have a past that casts doubt on a seemingly benign exterior”.

Libra

The image of scales can teach you much about business world.  When you look to scales, one side be lower than other.  But that not mean this is bad – this mean that one side have more than other side!  Everyone may look at higher side and say “Ah, we like this side, it close to heaven”, but you know that real heaven is a private island in Caribbean with pool and own airstrip.

Aries

Don’t be little weakling like a mole or man from Minsk.  You must be like big bear to be king in this world.  Much to be learnt from history of Russia.  Two men who were great come from my country – man named Attila and man named Leonid Brezhnev.  First name create mighty empire from being crazy like man on vodka holiday.  The second name is from Soviet history.  He reach power by rewarding his friends and not rewarding antagonists.  In my experience, the best way of not rewarding an antagonist is to threaten their family.

Cancer

You think it easy to have $8 Billion?  It not easy comrade.  My father not speak to me,  my first wife not speak to me, my priest not speak to me – it very difficult to maintain this good situation.  You must surround yourself only with people who are understanding of you.  See, I am director of many company.  You think I do this alone?  No, my friends are also directors of the same companies.  We all sit around big table and laugh while buy controlling stake in public sector industries.

Sagittarius

Don’t be fool and think you can be smile and happy when on top.  Yes, wear big suit and drive big car, but no be famous.  Be quiet with your money.  It help people believe you good man, humble.  But if people do investigate, they see you very very rich and they become scared.  This is good.  You must have image like Russian foreign policy – it not quite good, but you not want to provoke either because of massive nuclear arsenal.  That is how I am, except I am having only one nuclear warhead and no delivery system.

Virgo

The film ‘Taxi Driver’ I love very much.  Why like I this film?  Because this film show man with focus.  Man with focus can achieve much as this film shows.  I see bad all over Russia.  It would be fun to clean Russia with gun – then people will behave.  If I am not billionaire with government ties, I would like to be a taxi driver with gun.  In end De Nero is hero.  You can be hero too if you make like gun.

Taurus

Money has many perks.  Money gets me very many hot women.  Money means my second wife will not ask where I go on weekend.  Money means my second wife can also see other men to practice her love on.  Money heals all differences.  Eventually my second wife will leave me, but this is OK, she wants to be famous.  But how can famous man have many prostitutes at his house – newspaper think rich people should not have prostitutes.  This is mad.

Gemini

If you want to succeed abandon belief in god.  Sure, there many rich people who are religious, but many people keep asking them questions.  Tell me who is Vahid Alakbarov?  Not know?  But he is 48^th richest man in world, and good friend of mine!  No questions about him.  But George Bush have many question and not much money.  See, I say no to morality.  Morality only obstacle on road to domination. 

Scorpio

For men like me, I enjoy making horoscopes.  Why?  Because if anything is controlling me, it be a big ball of nuclear explosions floating in sky.  I am like star – I am distant to people on Earth, but I have much control.  You must try be like this.  Are you in control of your life?  Where is your wife?  Who is your boss?  Can you go on holiday tomorrow?  Remember – to climb to top of human pyramid, you must tread on face of others.

Capricorn

Many horoscope give advice about love.  This is bunk.  Love is weakness because it attaches you to someone else – what can they do for you?  Beatles say “Can’t buy me love”, but I say “Love can’t buy”.  Love not buy my place on Federal Assembly.  Love not get me private viewing of confused bikini models on my birthday.  Love not help me hunt and kill rare Siberian tiger.

Pisces

I like actor named Arnold Schwarzenegger.  He my kind of man.  He make great influence by making scared of people.  Now where is he?  He governor of California and nobody care that he make film called Hercules in New York.  This not bullshit story.  He is another man with focus.  He good at lifting heavy things so he use it to become governor.  I good at meeting friends, now I have excellent friends.  Find your power and use it.

Aquarius

Many people are silly and pathetic.  I look at people running around on world and laugh at them.  Come, join me in laughing at funny little people making effort in world.  They cannot do much about life.  For people like me (and maybe you) the world is for us.  Our abilities are great but even more – we can grab axe and swing round head when others sit on doorstep and weep.  Weeping is for Kulaks.  Laughing is for us.

Leo

Try not show off power too much.  But to enjoy money, wear big grey suits and have driver.  These cities you should enjoy – London (Harrods, but do not enter yourself), Los Angeles, Dubai and Singapore.  These places have many people ready to support things you want.  I do not like to wait long for helicopter to take me to Opera.  In these cities, there many ways of getting what you want.  Never live in Russia, only if you have money to support whole town (like me).

Previous Horoscopes

Next Clairvoyant?

- Wild West Cowboy
- Enid Blyton Character
- Comic Book Villain